...of things i want to blog about next month:
*the metaphor jr and i came up with for the state of the nation
*top 5 desert island movies
*my favorite band and why
*playwriting
*my garden, my house, and procrastination in general
*the "tiered cake" of family, friendship and acquaintances
*being a "woman in business" vs. just being a "person in business"
*random film devo opportunities falling from the sky
*working to live vs. living to work
*ode to Lupita
*lists and listmaking
*facebook, myspace, bandwidth and porn
*the penis mightier (just kidding - for those of you who don't get it, that was a Sean Connery SNL jeopardy category - see it here - I couldn't find the original so this is a cartoon with the original audio)
that's a start - hoping to blog more in "months that start with Feb..." (if you don't get that reference you need to watch/listen to the link above!)
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Friday, January 23, 2009
Are you happy, Jackie?
Someone asked me this question the other day. Which naturally got me thinking and analyzing my life. That can be a dangerous jaunt at times, but I realized quickly that the answer is an unequivocal and resounding YAWP.
Here's the thing - Yes, I'm (barely) living paycheck to paycheck. Yes, I get a case of "the mean reds" sometimes. Yes, I was dealt a certain number of cards in life (weren't we all) that can make it difficult to play a hand...
BUT. To "play" on the poker metaphor (because I simply cannot resist a poker metaphor) all my cards are on the table. At least it feels that way to me. I know what most of my shortcomings are, and I surround myself with strong, constructive people who remind me of those shortcomings daily. I have an amazing support system of family and friends, and I've realized that I have the luxury of picking and choosing my activities (and activity partners) and the ways in which I spend my leisure time. Not to brag or anything (though if I'm not going to defend my life, who is?) but I have it pretty darn good. I know what I need to work on, and believe me, I am working on all of it. Every damn day.
So...yes. I am. It's taken 27 years, which I know is not a long time in the grand scheme of things. It's taken heartache and struggle and fighting the current and hearing "no" and all those things that make you want to "fold" (punintendedyespleaseverymuchthankyou), and I know every day is not going to be filled with rainbows and unicorns (click on unicorns and brighten your day), but I also know that at the end of the day, I have a warm place to sleep and a cat who loves me. And to take a page from Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany's, that's really all I need.
Sorry for the disgusting positivity of this post - it's very unlike me to not be bitter on a Friday. What can I say? It's been a good year so far.
Here's the thing - Yes, I'm (barely) living paycheck to paycheck. Yes, I get a case of "the mean reds" sometimes. Yes, I was dealt a certain number of cards in life (weren't we all) that can make it difficult to play a hand...
BUT. To "play" on the poker metaphor (because I simply cannot resist a poker metaphor) all my cards are on the table. At least it feels that way to me. I know what most of my shortcomings are, and I surround myself with strong, constructive people who remind me of those shortcomings daily. I have an amazing support system of family and friends, and I've realized that I have the luxury of picking and choosing my activities (and activity partners) and the ways in which I spend my leisure time. Not to brag or anything (though if I'm not going to defend my life, who is?) but I have it pretty darn good. I know what I need to work on, and believe me, I am working on all of it. Every damn day.
So...yes. I am. It's taken 27 years, which I know is not a long time in the grand scheme of things. It's taken heartache and struggle and fighting the current and hearing "no" and all those things that make you want to "fold" (punintendedyespleaseverymuchthankyou), and I know every day is not going to be filled with rainbows and unicorns (click on unicorns and brighten your day), but I also know that at the end of the day, I have a warm place to sleep and a cat who loves me. And to take a page from Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany's, that's really all I need.
Sorry for the disgusting positivity of this post - it's very unlike me to not be bitter on a Friday. What can I say? It's been a good year so far.
Friday, January 9, 2009
Cleanup on Aisle 2008
As I sit here on my porch, taking a break from cleaning my messy room in advance of hosting book club on Sunday, I'm ruminating on my (quite awesome, if I do say so myself) metaphor for 2008/2009.
You know how your room gets messy before it gets clean? That was 2008...messy. I lost a job, bought a "fixer-upper," was in a number of toxic relationships (from many of which I am still extricating myself), gained about 15 pounds (and lost 7 of them), etcetera, etcetera. It was a rough effing year. But some good also came of it - I started practicing Buddhism, stage-managed a great play, rediscovered old friends and nurtured many non-toxic relationships, made my house a home, found a great roommate, and reignited my passion for film and television (after an 8-month hiatus) while finding my footing in the web industry.
So 2008 was the messy room in the process of getting clean.
And 2009 is the organization year. Trips to Ikea and The Container Store. Making (and sticking to) a hard-core budget that involves putting away at least $100 a month. Opening a credit card with Virgin America and paying it off every month so that I can get miles and travel to NYC. Strengthening my buddhist practice. Weeding out the toxic "friends" in my garden and making room for new ones. It's going to be a lot of work. But there's room for play too - dance more, cook more, worry less, be young and have fun. Produce a short film with above-mentioned roommate. I'm 27, not 60. And even when I am 60, I hope to be as vivacious and spirited as my parents are, and as I am now, if not more so.
So here's to cleaning up. I raise a glass to you, to the new presidential administration, and to myself. Cheers.
You know how your room gets messy before it gets clean? That was 2008...messy. I lost a job, bought a "fixer-upper," was in a number of toxic relationships (from many of which I am still extricating myself), gained about 15 pounds (and lost 7 of them), etcetera, etcetera. It was a rough effing year. But some good also came of it - I started practicing Buddhism, stage-managed a great play, rediscovered old friends and nurtured many non-toxic relationships, made my house a home, found a great roommate, and reignited my passion for film and television (after an 8-month hiatus) while finding my footing in the web industry.
So 2008 was the messy room in the process of getting clean.
And 2009 is the organization year. Trips to Ikea and The Container Store. Making (and sticking to) a hard-core budget that involves putting away at least $100 a month. Opening a credit card with Virgin America and paying it off every month so that I can get miles and travel to NYC. Strengthening my buddhist practice. Weeding out the toxic "friends" in my garden and making room for new ones. It's going to be a lot of work. But there's room for play too - dance more, cook more, worry less, be young and have fun. Produce a short film with above-mentioned roommate. I'm 27, not 60. And even when I am 60, I hope to be as vivacious and spirited as my parents are, and as I am now, if not more so.
So here's to cleaning up. I raise a glass to you, to the new presidential administration, and to myself. Cheers.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
happy birthday, baby G
Whatever you may believe, I hope your holiday season is merry and bright.
I, for one, am capturing the moment of my first Christmas in my new house. Cat is roaming the dining room and has no idea that she is about to receive a huge stocking full of catnip toys. I still have wrapping to do, but my shopping is mercifully finished. I'll be chanting at 11:00 with friends and then off to the parents' house for a multi-cultural, multi-religious, multi-ethnic extravaganza.
This might be my best Christmas yet.
I, for one, am capturing the moment of my first Christmas in my new house. Cat is roaming the dining room and has no idea that she is about to receive a huge stocking full of catnip toys. I still have wrapping to do, but my shopping is mercifully finished. I'll be chanting at 11:00 with friends and then off to the parents' house for a multi-cultural, multi-religious, multi-ethnic extravaganza.
This might be my best Christmas yet.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Old School
I went to see a play reading with my cousin A and my friend D last night, and I pulled out my new (hot pink metallic!) dayplanner and started transferring birthdays from my 2008 planner to my 2009 planner (there was a bit of time before the play started). And D said, "man, that's old school...I haven't seen anyone use a dayplanner in I don't know how long." And I got to thinking of how lost I would be without my dayplanner.
Since I was in high school, I've always used a paper planner. In 9th grade, we would decorate them with stickers, and the entries are pretty hilarious. I think the leather one my sister got me with my initials embossed in the side perished in the fire in my parents' garage last year, which is a shame. I'd love to look at back at the events and people that were so important in high school, and laugh at what I thought was drama then. I think it would be a good lesson.
I was thumbing through last year's dayplanner, and I was struck by how easily I could fall back into the past just by looking at it. But not in a bad way - I think we select the moments that we remember, and we sometimes put our rose-colored glasses on in order to see them "better." Which is fine. But looking at that past definitely reminds me to avoid past mistakes in 2009. So here is another short list of resolutions, relating to dayplanners.
1. Don't overbook - it's not fair to the people you're with, or to yourself.
2. Take time for yourself, and schedule that time wisely and often.
3. There's nothing wrong with an empty page - sometimes doing nothing is the best thing of all.
4. Keep jotting down song lyrics, phone numbers and titles of movies and books. You will look back at them when you need them, and there they are.
5. Send old-fashioned birthday cards, with a stamp and everything.
6. Keep your lists short.
Since I was in high school, I've always used a paper planner. In 9th grade, we would decorate them with stickers, and the entries are pretty hilarious. I think the leather one my sister got me with my initials embossed in the side perished in the fire in my parents' garage last year, which is a shame. I'd love to look at back at the events and people that were so important in high school, and laugh at what I thought was drama then. I think it would be a good lesson.
I was thumbing through last year's dayplanner, and I was struck by how easily I could fall back into the past just by looking at it. But not in a bad way - I think we select the moments that we remember, and we sometimes put our rose-colored glasses on in order to see them "better." Which is fine. But looking at that past definitely reminds me to avoid past mistakes in 2009. So here is another short list of resolutions, relating to dayplanners.
1. Don't overbook - it's not fair to the people you're with, or to yourself.
2. Take time for yourself, and schedule that time wisely and often.
3. There's nothing wrong with an empty page - sometimes doing nothing is the best thing of all.
4. Keep jotting down song lyrics, phone numbers and titles of movies and books. You will look back at them when you need them, and there they are.
5. Send old-fashioned birthday cards, with a stamp and everything.
6. Keep your lists short.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
the bitch
People are always asking me about my tattoos...not that I'm complaining, but I figured I'd just explain them once and for all and then I can just refer people to the website. So here goes...
The "star within a star" on the outer wrist of my right hand:
Dunno...I was 20 and wanted a tattoo. If I really wanted to give it meaning, I could say that it represents me...a star within a star (haha). Plus I think in our little group in high school, I was the star (Aurelia was the sun, Natalie the moon). I quite like the little tattoo - it's like jewelry that I never have to remember to put on or take off.
The "queen of spades" on the inner wrist of my left hand:
Okay, this one actually has meaning. When I was growing up, my family would play hearts around the kitchen table. Me, my dad, my sister, and usually my Aunt Honey (my mother was prohibited from playing hearts with us when the queen of spades magically fell out of her hand and on the floor behind her). Every time I got the queen of spades, I had to decide if I was going to pass it (unless it was the hold hand) or try to shoot the moon. For those of you who don't know how to play hearts, you either want to get all of the points or none of them. (A more in-depth description of the game is here.) All or nothing. The queen of spades (the "bitch") is worth 13 points, and each heart is worth 13 points. If you get all 26 points, you have "shot the moon."
Sometimes I feel like I was dealt the bitch in a hold hand. And my only option is to try to shoot the moon.
Next tattoo? (They're addictive.) A phoenix on my left arm. I'll let you figure that one out.
The "star within a star" on the outer wrist of my right hand:
Dunno...I was 20 and wanted a tattoo. If I really wanted to give it meaning, I could say that it represents me...a star within a star (haha). Plus I think in our little group in high school, I was the star (Aurelia was the sun, Natalie the moon). I quite like the little tattoo - it's like jewelry that I never have to remember to put on or take off.
The "queen of spades" on the inner wrist of my left hand:
Okay, this one actually has meaning. When I was growing up, my family would play hearts around the kitchen table. Me, my dad, my sister, and usually my Aunt Honey (my mother was prohibited from playing hearts with us when the queen of spades magically fell out of her hand and on the floor behind her). Every time I got the queen of spades, I had to decide if I was going to pass it (unless it was the hold hand) or try to shoot the moon. For those of you who don't know how to play hearts, you either want to get all of the points or none of them. (A more in-depth description of the game is here.) All or nothing. The queen of spades (the "bitch") is worth 13 points, and each heart is worth 13 points. If you get all 26 points, you have "shot the moon."
Sometimes I feel like I was dealt the bitch in a hold hand. And my only option is to try to shoot the moon.
Next tattoo? (They're addictive.) A phoenix on my left arm. I'll let you figure that one out.
Friday, December 12, 2008
the little things
beauty can come from the most random places. and a wonderful night doesn't have to be much more than a few great minutes of conversation. that is all.
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