Thursday, January 29, 2009

the list...

...of things i want to blog about next month:

*the metaphor jr and i came up with for the state of the nation
*top 5 desert island movies
*my favorite band and why
*my garden, my house, and procrastination in general
*the "tiered cake" of family, friendship and acquaintances
*being a "woman in business" vs. just being a "person in business"
*random film devo opportunities falling from the sky
*working to live vs. living to work
*ode to Lupita
*lists and listmaking
*facebook, myspace, bandwidth and porn
*the penis mightier (just kidding - for those of you who don't get it, that was a Sean Connery SNL jeopardy category - see it here - I couldn't find the original so this is a cartoon with the original audio)

that's a start - hoping to blog more in "months that start with Feb..." (if you don't get that reference you need to watch/listen to the link above!)

Friday, January 23, 2009

Are you happy, Jackie?

Someone asked me this question the other day. Which naturally got me thinking and analyzing my life. That can be a dangerous jaunt at times, but I realized quickly that the answer is an unequivocal and resounding YAWP.

Here's the thing - Yes, I'm (barely) living paycheck to paycheck. Yes, I get a case of "the mean reds" sometimes. Yes, I was dealt a certain number of cards in life (weren't we all) that can make it difficult to play a hand...

BUT. To "play" on the poker metaphor (because I simply cannot resist a poker metaphor) all my cards are on the table. At least it feels that way to me. I know what most of my shortcomings are, and I surround myself with strong, constructive people who remind me of those shortcomings daily. I have an amazing support system of family and friends, and I've realized that I have the luxury of picking and choosing my activities (and activity partners) and the ways in which I spend my leisure time. Not to brag or anything (though if I'm not going to defend my life, who is?) but I have it pretty darn good. I know what I need to work on, and believe me, I am working on all of it. Every damn day.

So...yes. I am. It's taken 27 years, which I know is not a long time in the grand scheme of things. It's taken heartache and struggle and fighting the current and hearing "no" and all those things that make you want to "fold" (punintendedyespleaseverymuchthankyou), and I know every day is not going to be filled with rainbows and unicorns (click on unicorns and brighten your day), but I also know that at the end of the day, I have a warm place to sleep and a cat who loves me. And to take a page from Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany's, that's really all I need.

Sorry for the disgusting positivity of this post - it's very unlike me to not be bitter on a Friday. What can I say? It's been a good year so far.

Friday, January 9, 2009

Cleanup on Aisle 2008

As I sit here on my porch, taking a break from cleaning my messy room in advance of hosting book club on Sunday, I'm ruminating on my (quite awesome, if I do say so myself) metaphor for 2008/2009.

You know how your room gets messy before it gets clean? That was 2008...messy. I lost a job, bought a "fixer-upper," was in a number of toxic relationships (from many of which I am still extricating myself), gained about 15 pounds (and lost 7 of them), etcetera, etcetera. It was a rough effing year. But some good also came of it - I started practicing Buddhism, stage-managed a great play, rediscovered old friends and nurtured many non-toxic relationships, made my house a home, found a great roommate, and reignited my passion for film and television (after an 8-month hiatus) while finding my footing in the web industry.

So 2008 was the messy room in the process of getting clean.

And 2009 is the organization year. Trips to Ikea and The Container Store. Making (and sticking to) a hard-core budget that involves putting away at least $100 a month. Opening a credit card with Virgin America and paying it off every month so that I can get miles and travel to NYC. Strengthening my buddhist practice. Weeding out the toxic "friends" in my garden and making room for new ones. It's going to be a lot of work. But there's room for play too - dance more, cook more, worry less, be young and have fun. Produce a short film with above-mentioned roommate. I'm 27, not 60. And even when I am 60, I hope to be as vivacious and spirited as my parents are, and as I am now, if not more so.

So here's to cleaning up. I raise a glass to you, to the new presidential administration, and to myself. Cheers.