An Open Letter to Gomez the Band

Hello to any and all rock gods looking on from above or below,

Here is my proposed set list for tomorrow's show at the Wiltern:

"A New Tide" in its entirety, especially Win Park Slope into Bone Tired.

Encores: Trombone, Rosemary, Machismo (the latter two are favorites I've never heard live).

OR:

We Don't Know Where We're Going

Love is Better than a Warm Trombone

Win Park Slope-> Bone Tired

Revolutionary Kind

Buena Vista

Ruff Stuff

Get Myself Arrested

In Our Gun

Emergency Surgery

Little Pieces (since it was in Grey's)

How We Operate (see above)

Encore:

Make No Sound

Rosemary (seriously, you could walk onstage and play that and walk off and I'd be quite pleased.)

Cheers! I'll be the short girl with curly hair in the front row screaming my freaking head off.

--Jackie

In an LA Minute

So...it's been a while. But it's seemed like about a week. However, in the four-months-that-felt-like-one-week that has passed, I've discovered some cool stuff in and around North Hollywood. So I thought I'd share.

Farm-Fresh Produce

A few weeks ago, I got a bag of produce from CSA California. CSA stands for community supported agriculture, and is "a program in which the community supports one of their local farms by joining together to purchase produce." I got a bag containing kale, romaine, avocado, garlic, bell peppers, plums, strawberries, nectarines, carrots, cucumber and possibly other stuff that I am forgetting. All the produce was delicious (the avocados and the plums were particularly spectacular), plus I felt good about myself for supporting a local farm and cutting down on the energy associated with buying food at the grocery store. Click the link above for more details.

Swing Dancing at Joe's

On Tuesday nights, a local bar called Joe's provides a live band playing swing/big band/rockabilly music (the music varies from band to band). There is no cover, but they do ask that you purchase at least 2 drinks and contribute to the "bucket of love," which is a tip jar for the band (they are playing only for tips). Watch out for the male bartender, or avoid him altogether. The female bartender/cocktail waitress is super nice; the male bartender called my friend a "c%nt." And she wasn't the only one who had an issue with him. The crowd is pretty varied in age and skill level, there are quite a few regulars (and I'm slowly becoming one of them).

Goldstar

If you haven't heard of Goldstar, you should definitely subscribe to their weekly email. They have discounted tickets for many shows and events (including Medieval Times, which I've been meaning to go to for, oh, about 4 years) and the service charges are much better than Ticketmaster's. I went to see Ultimate Mancini at the Hollywood Bowl last Friday - got tickets for 1/2 price ($28 tix in section M for $14 plus $4.50 service fee = $18.50 each) and had a lovely time. Plus I learned that Henry Mancini (or "Hank," as he was called throughout the night) wrote the score for "Mommie Dearest," one of my all-time favorite movies. Plus you can bring wine! And there were fireworks! I love the Bowl.

Wiltern/Palladium/Gibson Amphitheatre Box Office

Speaking of service fees - on Saturday, I went to the Hollywood Palladium box office to purchase a ticket to see Gomez (my favorite band!! sooooo excited!) with NO SERVICE FEE. If you go to concerts, you know that service fees are usually upwards of $10, which is absolutely ridiculous. Instead of paying that, I took a short drive into Hollywood, got my ticket for the $25 base price, plus the guy at the box office was cute. (Nice tattoos, Palladium box office guy.) He also informed me that there are a lot of tickets left for that show, so if you like awesome music (they seriously put on a stellar live show) and don't have plans on the 3rd of August, you should totally support this band. Love.

That's all I've got for today - I'm going to try to update more regularly, but sometimes life gets in the way. I hope the summer is treating you well!

Only in Dreams

I just forgave someone in a dream, and it made me forgive that person in real life.

This is an old hurt - an "over a year" hurt, and I realize now, waking, that I had never forgiven. I had forgotten, I had moved on, but never forgiven. And it took a ridiculous dream; a completely nonsensical subconscious voyage through a greeting card store, a farmer's market, my car, a thrift store, and my parents' backyard (curiously filled with domestic cats and Asian families). It took hanging out with this person while I was sleeping, and saying the things that I never got to say in waking life. It took the irrationality of making eighteen decisions in a single "day" (about 6 hours of sleep) and finally deciding to let go.

It makes me think that it doesn't matter how or if someone apologizes - when we're ready to forgive, we do.

Love (and Cynicism)

I found a beautiful and heartwrenching quote on my journey through the interwebs today:

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully 'round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, inpenetrable, irredeemable." --C.S. Lewis

Too late for me - I've already given my heart to Lupita.

Thank goodness, though. Because the alternative doesn't sound very enticing.

Changing the Soundtrack

I had night terrors for the first time in a long time last night. Every so often, I have this dream where I wake up and feel like my breath is caught in my throat - like I need to scream but I can't. Last night, that "mute" dream was mixed with a drunk driving dream and a feeling that an ominous figure was in my bed. Freaky. And since I was at my folks' house, there was no Lupita to calm me down.

Every so often (okay, okay, every day), there is a song that perfectly sums up how I'm feeling. Maybe it's because I listen to too much music. Is that even possible? It reminds me of a line in John Irving's Hotel New Hampshire where Lilly Berry laments that she can never write an ending line as good as that of Fitzgerald in Gatsby, so why even bother? (And then she throws herself out a window, naturally.) I feel like I can never write a song that captures my emotions as well as the songs that get stuck in my head on a day-to-day basis. So here it is: the song of the day (click the title for the lyrics):

Wish I May (Ani Difranco)

yup.

but.

That's kind of a depressing song. So in the spirit of this blog ("trying to grow, trying to let go"), I'm going to change the song. Could it be that simple? Well, I'm going to try.

Solsbury Hill (Peter Gabriel)

Take that, evil dream. And take that, depressing soundtrack. It's MY head, after all, and I get to decide what song plays on repeat.

So Now What?

Everything happens for a reason. I have to believe it - otherwise I get stuck in a spiral of "what if I hadn't done this/said that/gone there..." But sometimes it seems like the little, or not so little, choices that I make put me on an unavoidable path away from where I think I want to be. So what then? Do I give up, figuring that it must have happened for a reason and it's all part of the master plan? Or does it just mean I have to fight harder?

I'll let you know when I figure it out...if I figure it out. In the meantime, I'm going to step more carefully. Because some steps are a lot heavier than others, and push us a lot further off the path that seems right.

The metaphor that pops into my head is that of playing backgammon - once you take your hand off the piece, you're not allowed to move that piece back to its original spot. No takebacks. Which feels unfair when you're 7 years old and still learning how to play the game. Unfortunately, I'm not 7 years old anymore. No takebacks.

What Goes Up...

So maybe I spoke too soon. I guess at the core I'm still technically happy. But recent developments, procrastination, exhaustion, etc. have all made me realize that I still have a LOT to work on.

Let's tackle one - procrastination.

My father likes to use the phrase "procrastination is a thief." But to me, procrastination is the comfort of a warm bed and a cozy pillow. It's the belief that everything will get done...eventually. I need to change my perception. I need to stop looking at procrastination, and its accompanying comfort, as a friend. The garden isn't going to weed itself - the weeds are just going to keep growing. The laundry isn't going to magically get done, it's going to keep piling up. And the play that I'm (not) writing is going to languish on my laptop until I get some motivation.

So what to do? I've been putting things off for so long I don't even know how to force myself to motivate. And there's a trade-off - I could go to dance class tonight, or I could go home and do laundry. Maybe I need to treat myself like a 5-year-old and come up with some sort of reward system. Or maybe I need to realize that I'm a grownup now, and the reward is the mere fact of getting something done. Something's gotta give, and in this case it's gotta be me.